Wednesday, July 06, 2005

War of the...hey look its Tom Cruise!

Little green men! Little green men!!!! Run for your lives!!!!

Went and saw Spielberg's incarnation of HG Wells classic sci fi, the War of the Worlds. I was pleasantly surprised that it didnt dissapoint me, and ended up being quite an eerie romp through the American countryside with all the good things that hide glaring plot deficiencies; freaky blood weeds, merciless mechanised alien invaders and big f-off explosions. Never matter how Robbie survived the maelstrom that was the Tripod Of Death. Fact of the matter is he managed to wing his way to Boston with nary a scratch on him, beating Tom and the Portable Scream Machine (aka Dakota Fanning) who, lets face it, weren't exactly dawdling. And why was Boston the sanctuary of choice from little green men? Is it because that we humans realised that even aliens from outerspace wouldnt be able to stand another David E. Kelly legal drama? Maybe even aliens are scared of the neigh on mythical Denny Crane? Maybe just luck of the Irish? But I digress.

Tom Cruise must have one of the most annoying faces in showbiz. Its like "Oh My God Im Marrying Katie Holmes." Which is an improvement on "Oh My God Im A Human Deer Caught In The Headlights". Only a true student of film would be able to pick the subtle improvements. I think it has something to do with the hair. I really do try to like Tom. Really, I do. But that smile. That jumping on furniture. And the point of all this? It is impossible to immerse yourself into a film, suspend your pathetic little reality for a second and go "Hey, that guy is a loser of a dock worker. I can relate to that. Wow. This film is special." No, with Tom's pearly whites flashing at you and stunned mullet expression, we are instead treated to Tom overload. Fact is, Jerry McGuire is the closest to being 'in character' that we have seen Tom. Its just impossible to sit there without thinking "Oh that poor girl. She misses her mum. Lets hope they are reunited...but why is she with Tom Cruise? Wasnt he married to that Aussie actress?"

I can hear the naysayers already. "If you are so good Dave, who would you have had instead?" Michael Caine? Ed Norton? Johnny Depp? Will Smith? Ernie and Bert in a man suit? Dont make me laugh myself to death. I really dont care. Such arguments are juvenile and nigh on par with "he started it/no she did". Lets deal with facts: Tom is too big. Hollywood has an obsession with the pulling power of stars. Spielberg is a genius, perhaps only overshadowed by Tim Burton, but the fact is, movies dont need such obvious, teenage-esque, scarily wooden, unsexy, monobrow clad actors to succeed. It took a relative unknown to take Batman back to the top of the box office without going straight to video (Christian Bale). Ditto for Spiderman. At least that dude has powers.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 9:52 AM :: 0 Comments:

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