Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Musings of a Wednesday Night

As mentioned, I updated my Hat List (see previous postings), and Igot a few emails regarding the new Roots CDs, and my answer - in no uncertain terms - is thus:

?uestlove is a fucking genius.

For those not in the know, ?uestlove is the enigmatic dummer, producer, funk-a-teer and soul sonic force for the group. The man just oozes talent and ability, is as smooth as your favourite desert and can get your head nodding within seconds. Now I know he is just one of many talented drummers. But I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about ?uestlove. I am now kicking myself I didn't make it to their concert when they were last in Melbourne. Consider this my official apology to the band if they ever read this.

In other exciting news: Harry Potter COULD be the anti-christ. A place called Paw Creek Ministries in Charlotte, USA, is selling an alternative chrissy present than Ms Rowling's latest blockbuster:
"If there is one thing the Harry Potter series has proven to America and the world, it is that superstitions and witchcraft have a much greater power to captivate than computers, Internet filth, and game rooms."

Shit, I don't know about you, but I am much more attached to my free online poker, my downloadable bootlegs and the glow of my old CRT monitor than some limp wristed, pubescent wizard with glasses and a 'meancing' looking twig. Yeah. That's a big call.

Speaking of computer games, Australia continues to persist with this idea that ADULTS CANT MAKE THEIR OWN MIND UP! I of course refer to our continued resistance to having an 'adults only' rating for computer games, making us the only developed nation without one. Guess what: we just banned the 50 Cent game. Probably a good call, more in terms of gameplay than any actual worry it might influence kiddies. Here's another thought to bake your noodle: gamers are more likely to be 'adults' than 'kids'. WOW! Who would have thunk it? Yep...that Bubble Bobble is a real killer on the eyes...and it just wants to make you go blow bubbles and shift furniture into colour co-ordination. Which leads me to chuck in this quote:
"It is ridiculous claiming that video games and internet influence children. For instance, if Pac-man affected kids born in the eighties, we should by now have a bunch of teenagers who run around in darkened rooms and eat pills while listening to monotonous electronic music."

And, I'm out.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:11 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

New and Interesting

Just updated "The Hat List" aka What I'm Listenting To At The Moment aka Dave's Random iPod Selection. Scroll down the page and look on your left. Click pics. Enjoy artist. Repeat.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:53 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Classic Martial Arts Quotes #58432

"Today we're here to purge a bourgeois slut who only cares for immoral sex and hedonism. She stole a pair of basketball shoes from the Fatherland."

I couldn't stop at one...

"Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person."

Many thanks to the exhaustive list of classic martial arts movie quotes compiled by the attentive people at Ninja Burger.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:18 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Monday, November 28, 2005

Vanishing Light Poles: Turn Off The Lights!

Time for a little role play, kiddies. Imagine you're hard pressed for cash. Desperate in fact. So much so, there are no lengths to which you won't go to get some quick, easy and ultimately, dirty money. You get together with your mates and plan to rob a bank/supermarket/petrol station/cake stall...

...or do you?!

You could of course, be rather more resourceful and inventive and STEAL LIGHTPOLES!
"Thieves are sawing down aluminum light poles. Some 130 have vanished from Baltimore's streets in the last several weeks, authorities say, presumably sold for scrap metal...The poles, which weigh about 250 pounds apiece, have been snatched during the day and in the middle of the night...Left behind are half-foot stubs of metal, with wires that carry 120 volts neatly tied and wrapped in black electric tape."

Who said that resource stocks weren't worth investing in! All of a sudden, you can look out your suburban window and see a veritible cash crop staring you back in the face. Every stop sign now a dollar sign, every light post a new iPod, every dumpster a new lounge setting.

But kids: don't try this at home. Leave it to the trained professionals!
"Apparently, the culprits know what they're doing because we're talking about 30-foot poles here. It's not like you can stick one in a grocery cart and get rolling."

Ha! I don't think they were banking on fly buy points anyways...Adult learning centres teach way too many things these days.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 8:53 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Saturday, November 26, 2005

"I just tried to eat fast."

Now I've led a sheltered life and I still don't get this whole Thanksgiving thing...But isn't this just taking the festive season too far?

A day before millions of Americans sit down to eat traditional Thanksgiving dinners, a Virginia woman grabbed the world turkey-eating title on Wednesday by gobbling down a whole roast bird in 12 minutes. Sonya Thomas, 37, who weighs just 47.5 kilograms, beat seven men in the annual Thanksgiving Invitational: a race to eat a 10-pound (4.5-kilogram) turkey.

Wow. Now undoubtedly this falls into the category of 'impressive'. But like gymanastics, you still got to ask yourself...WHY?! It gets worse...

The smallest in the field, Ms Thomas put her victory down to "swallowing fast."

Get your mind out of the gutter!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 5:46 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Friday, November 25, 2005

God Is In The Radio

It's true you know...if this report from the Guerrilla News Network is anything to go by, God IS student radio. Who would have thought: the Big G.O.D broadcasting out of some university coffee shop, all tired from late night study sessions. Obviously, it'd be in Theology. Or maybe not...maybe he's taking languages? Geography? It's like the song by King Missile: Jesus Was Way Cool. I think the G.O.D would be too. He would be quite the interesting individual just to sit back and listen to. Doesn't matter if you don't "believe". Doesn't matter if you don't like religion. The dude would know some interesting things, and I bet he knows how to work an audience...

But why should we stop here? Are we going to see all of our recognised deities taking up valuble underground music airtime for their musings which, I point out, are already documented in best selling books? We could have "The Enlightenment Hour" with Buddah. How chilled out that would be...come to think of it, stressed out students across the world need some good chill times and seeing as none of you (yes YOU! The big collective YOU, along with THEY) want to entertain the thought of legalising the sticky icky, an hour of philosophising deities might just be the tonic (or chronic) that we need.

Speaking of the Good Doctor...we could be getting some more beats soon! Maybe. Possibly. Potentially. Bah, the man's a genius.

But lets get back to community and student radio. Our Public Broadcasting Service here in Australia is a beautiful, splendid thing. This weekend's challenge is to:

A) Find out the name of your closest, local community or public radio station,
B) The name of three of its shows, and
C) Listen to at least 60 minutes of said station.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:07 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, November 24, 2005

Australian TV shakes up for the better...

To quote the lovely Serene: Good Shit Happens.

Plastered all across the Green Guide today is perhaps the best news for my television inept lifestyle. Channel 9 have SOLD the rights to the West Wing to....THE LOVEABLE AUNTY! YES! We can now be guaranteed UNINTERUPTED West Wing coverage. It was about time too; the US are already up to season seven, season six is out here on DVD, and we only just started season five at the start of this year before we were SHAFTED by inept programmers. We're also going to see Futurama in its completeness - episode one through to whatever - after Channel 10 brought the rights. And finally, Creature Comforts is back on, those lovable claymation animals talking about life, love and personal philosophy. Now all we need is Pimp My Ride...

In other exciting news - for those of you keeping track - Australia finished outside the top 10 at the World Cyber Games in Singapore. Yes, the "Gamers Olympics" featured the world's best in Counter Strike, FIFA, Need For Speed, Halo 2, Starcraft (yep, they still play it) and Warhammer 40 000.

More than 55,000 spectators watched during five days of competition in StarCraft, Halo 2, FIFA, and other titles. American players took hold the gold in Counter-strike and Halo 2, and a silver medal in WarCraft III. Korea grabbed gold in StarCraft and Warhammer, while Brazil won Need for Speed.

The total prizepool was worth near half a million dollars. And the Australian team only had 7 members. I am ashamed that this got no press coverage here in Oz. I mean, we are just as obese and game addled as the next country! Sure, we might be the only Western nation without an Adults Only rating for games, but we make up for our lack of social progression with some really neat weather! Me thinks that we could do a lot worse than sponsor kids going to these olympics. Hell, we do it for gymnastics...

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 11:18 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, November 21, 2005

An update on the Greatest Day Ever

I think I jumped the gun a bit with my previous posts. Today was PRET-TY special. It included:

- superbly sunny birthday
- homemade pancakes
- fresh fish and chips for lunch on the beach
- a nice 'frolick' amongst the waves with sexy girl :P
- mmmmm, gelati
- mind puzzles, games and a big F-OFF maze at Amaze-n-Things
- mmmmm, ricotta cheescake
- quality time with cute nephew and my bro

Apologies to the dear readers who come here seeking an alternative to the tried and true blogger diary. For once this year, interesting stuff is happening. We shall return to regular programming shortly.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:03 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, November 18, 2005

Pimping versus The Ballet?!

I haven't watched TV much this year - sad but true - and when I have, it has only been for REALLY good shows. Think The Glass House, Spicks and Specks, Myth Busters, Spooks, and of course, Scrubs. (Note: my all time favourite show - The West Wing - got shafted by channel 9 again this year.)

And so it was, last friday, when I settled in to watch a new show that immediately ranked in my top 17 shows of 2005: PIMP MY RIDE!

For those not in the know, it's a heartwarming, feel good episode each week about a young person down on their luck car wise, when the Kind Father Xzibit arrives to equip their old car with something suitably bling. It's about as deep as a marathon of Friends episodes, but it's pure gold.

So imagine my surprise this week when, upon reading the TV guide, I discovered that after only ONE WEEK on channel 10 here in Australia, it had been replaced by the movie CENTRE STAGE! Are these programmers serious? They take off the lucid, charasmatic Xzibit and his fleet of nasty customisers and awesome cars, and replace them with a movie about a dancing school?!!!!!!!! Sure, Centre Stage has its good moments - the end credits with that funky Jamiroquai song springs to mind - but does it really have the class to match Mr X to the Z?!!!

Can anyone else see the problem here?!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:56 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Greatest Day Ever?

1. Thesis printed, bound, looks super tight and (most importantly) submitted
2. 18 month celebration with lovely girlfriend including homemade curry and ice cream
3. Australia makes it into the World Cup after 30 odd years

Tears of joy flowed freely all night!

Not even today's flat tire and headache can stop the glow!

Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!


right: fans celebrate Dave's awesome day.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 5:55 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Monday, November 14, 2005

TEH THESIS: MP3s, politics and a man with an iPod

Yes folks, TEH THESIS is almost complete. As I type this I am rewarding my addled brain with a bout of poker online - fake money of course. I'm about to be a two times arts graduate and we're not made of money. Tomorrow is printing. Wednesday is binding. By this time next week, I won't want to read the sucker again. For the sake of new readers I will say that my 20 000 odd thousand words deals with political music, and its ability to function as a kind of reformative social movements. Deep? Nah. Just let me listen to gig loads full of mp3s this past 12 months. *sigh* Good times. Good times.

Is it not strange that during peak times of stress, our brain turns to the most odd things. These last few days I have spent an inconceivable amount of time playing this Yeti Sports game, involving (funnily enough) a Yeti, a piece of 2 by 4, and a penguin. The point is that the penguin jumps from a cliff in front of said yeti, where by said big hairy yeti swings his 2x4 through, thus connecting with the penguin and sending it hurtling into the outfield, baseball style. Obviously, you have to try and get as far as you can, by adjusting the airflow of your penguin midflight. I've reached 880 odd, which I feel, given the relativly low aerodynamics of your average penguin, is quite a feat!

The other game is perhaps a little more well known: Bejeweled. It's Tetris, Jim, but not as we know it. And it's damn addictive.

I have tried to play games with more than 2 levles for entertainment. Alas, my eagerly anticipated foray into the latest of the EA Sports series - NHL 2006 - has failed at the first hurdle. One computer can't seem to get the point that the install goes to 100%, not 48%. The other does not have the requisite video card. If the greater deities of blogging, computers and gamers are reading, please provide spiritual!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 11:42 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Interactive Chairman Mao: Buy Now For Christmas!

I for one an am AVID computer gamer, but I do not think I will be saving up money to import the latest title from Shanda, the largest game producer in China. According to Game, the Chinese government have commissioned Shanda to produce a game based exclusively on communist values! [The LA Times have also picked up the story here.]
"Chinese Hero Registry," lets player mend socks, help old ladies get home in the rain, and prevent people from spitting in public. Successful play earns a signed virtual copy of Mao Tse-tung's Little Red Book.

And they worry it won't be a hit with the kidlings! Call this a long shot, but I'm thinking that Grand Theft Auto, Halo and Pro Evo Soccer have nothing to worry about.

On the otherside, this could be the start in a new frighting trend, where computer games reflect "every day life of political systems." We could have Fall And Fall Again, where players take control of a mythical country in the region of Africa, and try to prevent it from becoming an economic basketcase! Special characters to unlock include BONO! BOB GELDOF! STING! And even TINA ARENA!

Or even better, a game based on democratic values, where you spread free values all over the world in whatever form you see fit! Oh wait, we already have's called Command & Conquer.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:13 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005


One of the suckers...

If anyone knows what this is, let me know. Part mosquito, part fly, part "bug". It's freaking me out!

Below are the pictures of our house, circa 11pm this evening. Is this just another summer influx or something more sinister?! (Full sizes are on my flickr site. Click the photos or click the flickr button on the left menu.)
The Bug Horde 2
The Bug Horde 1

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 11:15 PM :: 6 Comments:

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I'm serious. There are little bug/fly/mosquito/pest hybrids literally MATING before my eyes. It's kinda freaky. All I need is for David Attenborough to walk in and say in that rather distinct voice of his:

Watch, as David continues work on his thesis, unconcerned at the orgy taking place around him. The bugs continue their lifes goal - to bring irritation in mass numbers to the household. There is certainly, no, coitus interuptus here.

Is anyone else out there having this problem? They look like tiny...well...bugs, with two little antennae and some sort of triangle shape near what would be their "neck". They also have wings that appear see-through, hence they fly. I will provide photos soonish I hope. BUT THEY'RE DRIVING ME NUTS! I like nature, just not when it feels the need to reproduce on my leg.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:34 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Australia: home of The Hole

It struck me today that my great big brown land I call home is also home to an unusually large tradition for digging, creating and otherwise housing big holes. Here in the Latrobe Valley, we have one MASSIVE hole. We call it the Open Cut, but if this was a cut, your arteries would have long since stopped pumping blood. It's a big f-off coal mine site and, for the most part, we are quite proud of our bloody great big hole.

Next stop on our tour of Australia's biggest holes is a lovely, virtual world I will refer to as The Castle. [For non-Australian readers, The Castle as a hilarious look into "typical" Australia. It was funny, it was true, it was a piss-take and it was in instant classic.] Was it not Dale Kerrigan who quite produly sat at the dinner table while his father lorded him for digging a hole?! Was it not the same Dale Kerrigan who, not that many scenes later, came in to the house in quite a rush and said "Dad! I've dug another hole! This one's filling with water!"??!

And tonight, news comes to us that Sydney are the latest Oz location to source themselves a new hole. In the early hours of this morning, a bloody great big hole opened up under some apartment blocks in suburban streets. As I type this, 150 cubic metres of concrete is being poured into said hole PER HOUR in a bid to "save" the building.

The construction company responsible for building the Lane Cove Tunnel has apologised to residents and motorists affected by this morning's partial collapse of an apartment building. Leighton Holdings says an unforeseen geological event caused the subsidence, which has undermined a three storey block of units and closed part of Epping Road.

Don't dress it up people! We know the truth! You are as Aussie as the rest of us! The Australian tradition for diggin' holes is alive and well you flamin' mongrels!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 8:14 PM :: 1 Comments:

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