Saturday, March 25, 2006

Hollywood Scares Me...

What Would Tyler Durden Do is a treasure trove of Hollywood and celebrity gossip gold. But this just scares me. So does this.

Mmmm. Artistic.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 9:43 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Thursday, March 23, 2006

Thursday Afternoon Musings

Linkage time kiddies!

Toothbrush Porn: because the world is not enough of a sick place already....

Make Your Own Bombay Style Subtitle Movie: Who said Bollywood wasn't pure class?!

Crazy Speedhumps in Dubai: ignore the infantile laughter and watch that Lamborghini get serious air...

And because MySpace is just a treasure trove of comedy gold:

(click the photo and hey presto! It gets bigger...)

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 4:22 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tings Dat Make You Go "Hmmm"

TV: I watched Scrubs the other night. I like Scrubs; a nice easy show with a few laughs and good characters. Pity it's on at nearly midnight. So an ad break comes on and I'm expecting sexy ladies in bubble baths, a man spruking a giant plastic tank or even a tin shed. But no. In ONE ad break, over FOUR consecutive ads, Scrubs watchers were treated to
a) Alcoholics Anonymous (who's footage hasn't changed from the 1970s sadly...)
b) Narcotics Anonymous (why use footage when you can just use a black screen?!)
c) Salvation Army Gambling Relief Service
d) An anti child molestation/abandonment charity

What the??!! Who at the network suddenly decided that berating us for five minutes about our selfishness or latent desires/pleasures/hobbies/addictions would be a top idea? Have they done market research? Are the people who watch Scrubs more likely to hit the bottle in the break, have a quick toke, gamble away a quiet thousand or so, or even forget where they left the kids??!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??!!

JOBS aka WORK: I just got a new job - I start after Easter in the wonderful world of TEEVEE NEWS. But already work scares me. According to American research, we should all do ourselves a favour and slack off. This is on top of an email German Andi sent me about how, if we fake happiness in the workplace, we are starting a long and windy road into depression and thus, a shorter lifespan. Eeeek!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:14 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Certified. Wise.

Received a job offer yesterday, accepted today, and tomorrow...TEH WORLD!!!

Finally, a chance to actually get paid, full time work in the journalism industry! More soon.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:03 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Eva Longoria Is The Greatest/But Not As Great As The Great Eastern

...even if she is an absolute minx in the bedroom.

But enough of such flesh based fantasies. There is another story I have been meaning to relay to you, dear reader, about the tale of The Great Eastern, a ship that could beat the Titanic into next week in terms of size and sheer cool factor.

The brain child of Isambard Kingdom Brunel - who earns bonus points for his name alone (can YOU remember who designed the Titanic? No...and it wasn't Leo either) - the ship was designed to carry goods and people to India and Australia around the 1850s, without stopping for fuel. It would be the biggest ship the world had ever seen. Twice the length and five times the weight of any previous ship, it would be the largest moveable object man had ever created.

It had two hulls - yes two - so hitting ice wasn't an issue. Plus, they were both made out of wrought iron. (Talk about hardcore. I want my next Toyota to come with two hulls....) They were so intense about building this thing that when it eventually got pulled apart, they found the remains of some of the young boys who worked on the ship, stuck inbetween these two massive hulls when the walls were riveted in. (Any chance we can build one and fill it with celebrities we don't like? Mischa Barton comes to mind.)

It gets better:

The ship required three million rivets, each an inch thick, all driven by hand by 200 rivet gangs. Each riveting squad had five members - two riveters, one 'holder-on' and two boys ('bash-boys' - one to heat the rivets, the other to insert them into the hole).

While the outer skin was being riveted, the 'holder-on' and his boy were often passing whole days or weeks in the confined space between the hulls, with little light other than that from a candle, and enduring the deafening thunder of 400 riveters' hammers, twelve hours a day, six days a week.

Working on the site was dangerous, and during construction several workers fell to their deaths. One workboy fell head-first from the structure, and was impaled on a standing iron bar. 'After he was dead, his body quivered for some time' said a witness. Another casualty was a visitor, who, 'in prying about, was bending over the head of a pile, when the monkey came down, flattening his head'.

So tell me again why we didn't get a movie about this boat???!!!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:00 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

New Project: Radio Joy

So, for those who don't know, I volunteer at a local community radio station. Awesome fun too. Have a ball. But I have finally hopped on the podcasting bandwagon and decided to put the glory of my voice and the power of other peoples music out into the global arena at:

It's hip hop fun and joy. We're going to have reviews, news, rants, playlists and of course, podcasts of the show.

Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. But for pity's sake, don't tell my future employers... :P

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:26 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Yep. Decapitated Koalas are SO Melbourne.

So we had the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne last night. Fairly good performance all round by the organising committee - no giant thongs or Greg Normans a la Sydney, though we did have a boy and his duck, a love story between a moto cross rider and a ballerina.

Then we really got freaked out. Giant Koala Bears, enlisted to rescue said Duck Boy from a makeshift spire representing the Victorian Arts Centre. There was even a dancing koala which had lost its head. Yes that's right, a decapitated koala just bustin' a move for all and sundry to see. Crazy. Is it Melbourne? Maybe more so than John So, but I digress...

Controversy about the non-singing of God Save The Queen though having said that, only the Brits, John Howard and Tony Abbot know the words. And did she sing OUR national anthem? Poor effort, particularly given we trundled out the often hidden second verse ESPECIALLY!

Personally, I am looking forward to seeing how the Commonwealth State of Gurnsey performs at these games. With a name like that, you would have to think they have the best uniforms...

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:12 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, March 13, 2006

When I'm Famous, I Want To Endorse A Vegetable.

In exciting news for people who love concept cars that guzzle gas like a child gets hooked on chocolate at Easter, rapper/"actor" Ice-T has agreed to be the promotional face for Rodedawg International Industries Inc's latest product, an amphibious 4x4 off-road vehicle. The cool bit? It was originally a Chinese military vehicle.

In other exciting news, Birds Eye have made contact with me just this past week and I am looking to put pen to paper to endorse their new canned sweet corn range. Because nothing says sweet corn more than Dave in a Hat...

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 8:38 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Monday, March 06, 2006

Go Hard or Go Home

More exciting news on the web than there are people who own bicycles in Southeast Asia. So I thought I would just bring you the top two.

For example, I went to a 21st on the weekend, for a young female friend of mine who does drink a lot. But not THIS much.
got a rush start on celebrating her 21st birthday by walking into a tavern about the stroke of midnight -- then partying her way through two bars and 21 shots, mostly hard liquor, in two hours. Minutes after the last drink, she crashed into a coma, her blood alcohol content of 0.682 was pretty much off the charts, the kind of number reserved for autopsy reports.

I have new found respect for her, yet still disappointed she or her party never got this far. What really gets me is the "journalist" (hahahaha) referring to her night of partying in Pennsylvania as a 'bar tour'. I think the Aussie 'pub crawl' is a much better title...

But nothing compares to a classy wedding at Maccas does it? I could do any number of super size/fries/healthy choice jokes...but looks as though the writer beat me to it. LAME!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 7:44 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Lady On The Stage, Freak In The Bedroom

I really can't put it any better than Gawker did.

Ahh Oprah. From Book Club Baroness to Facial Ejaculations. Arguably, they are one and the same thing...and I say arguably because I know there are many of you who just LURV what Oprah has to say about the latest book scribbled by three high school drop outs looking to further fund their addiction to crack by composing a touching novel about a relationship between a panda bear and a bar of soap.

But that's just me.

While we're talking sex, lets talk transexuals. Like Video Ezy said, the choice is easy.

Graduation came and went. Flickr now hosts the gory details.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 3:26 PM :: 3 Comments:

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Saturday, March 04, 2006

Graduations, now just a $100!

And what does your $100 odd get you?

- Small, cold and occasionally round 'appetisers' (I use the term losely)
- A Bombay-style market place with photographers, jewelers, engravers, framers, clowns, muppets and CHICKEN WITH TEETH, all trying to sell you something.
- The ability to mingle with fellow graduands and show off how good/high paying/ass licking your new job is. (We don't care, guys, really we don't.)
- Oh, and you get a little bit of paper with your results and your name in embossed type. W000t!

You are NOT, under any circumstances, allowed to through your hat in the air. They frown on that, and our ye olde binishell (one of the last remaining in the world) would probably collapse. Given that the uni administration are ripping another wad of cash kicking and screaming from your wallet, feel free not to smile. Most of the other academics won't be...

Accordingly, this is supposed to be the first day in the rest of my life. Given that this is graduatio number 2, and I am no closer to "the rest of my life", I think I have been sold a dud. This sucks. Can we go watch TV yet?

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 11:06 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, March 03, 2006

Mutant Teeth Chickens!

I WAS going to go to bed...but this article here has provided me with a whole range of cool images that no amount of sleep/dreaming will ever give me.

Working late in the developmental biology lab one night, Matthew Harris of the University of Wisconsin noticed that the beak of a mutant chicken embryo he was examining had fallen off. Upon closer examination of the snubbed beak, he found tiny bumps and protuberances along its edge that looked like teeth--alligator teeth to be specific.

I mean seriously, think about. Not just mutuant chicken with teeth...mutant chicken with ALLIGATOR TEETH! Hitchcock was right! THE BIRDS ARE COMING! Quick, seal up all entries to the house! First we have bird flu, now we work out that the chickens CAN bite. Man, this sucks...or 'bites' even...

Speaking of dreams though, my mate Bjornar is having a lot of trouble with his of late. Something to do with Bill Clinton and Tony Robbins. He is now calling for definitions. The winning entry will enter his sleep patterns next week.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:23 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006


For those of you worried about freaks on the net, there's a new training game out there: ID THE CREEP!

And remember:

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:06 AM :: 0 Comments:

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