Monday, July 31, 2006

Why We Like People

I think people like people.


Deep down, people don't want to kill people. (Oh I can see what you are thinking - "another tree hugging hippie going off to save all the pretty people and Dave The Hat, please explain to me then why Hezbollah continues to fire rockets at Israeli's". Wait. Read on. And THEN you may flame me in the comments and I will reserve the right to ignore you. Because I like people.)

I mean, porn is incredibly popular, and that's just watching people at their most basic.

Then there's reality tee vee. Big Brother remains one of the most watched programs in a million and one different nations around the world. And that's just a number of 20-somethings trying to avert boredom by scratching themselves in dirty little places and dreaming up even wilder ways to remain part of public consumption.

We just like people. Millions can't be wrong. And if we didn't like people, why is murder, assault, rape illegal?

Yes, it's an idealistic thought. A utopian one even. And of course, I am completely wrong. Not everyone likes people.

But my rant has been brought on by another bout of reality TV gold from Channel 10.

Yasmin's Getting Married.

I don't mind - remember, I like people - but I don't think they've gone far enough.

Surely we can have an Adults Only series on Pay TV such as 'Yasmin's Getting Fucked'. Then there's the hilarious yet touching medical series 'Yasmin's Getting Twins'. And of course, we could follow it all up with the courtroom drama of 'Yasmin's Getting Screwed', quickly followed by the Rove special edition of 'Yasmin's Getting Divorced'. We could even revisit the successful concept in 10 years (or should that be 'tears') time, with 'Yasmin's Getting Made-Over.'

Remember this is nothing against Yasmin. She looks lovely, and I am sure she is the nicest person in the world. Remember: I just like people. And I think other people who like people will like these ideas too...

It's the ultimate feel-good hit of Spring! There will be no limits to how much we will grow to like the people in this show (until the third episode, where one of the judges will exposed for being a hypocritical bore)!

So if you like people, get behind this show and make its ratings soar!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 2:10 PM :: 1 Comments:

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I have multiple web personalities.

It's been an evolution of sorts. A sharp relisation, like that first intake of breath when you walk into a club packed with sweaty, smoking strangers.

I really don't have the time to manage one online outpouring of...well...stuff. I mean, some people around the world dont have running water, let alone the Internet. But now I've decided to look at spending 20 minutes a day to keep three on the go.

Yes, three. Because as De La Soul said, "Three Is The Magic Number".

(Three, coincidently, is the favourite number of T which makes it all the more important.)

So, please refer to the personality realignment as follows.

For all things creative, mindless, quick and easy, please now refer to Haiku With Dave @ Haiku's are fun, and they can reflect life. Whether they do or not, is another matter.

For all things rantage, issue related and argumentative/controversial/debatable, please refer to this website. The Hat side of my personality will be pleased to service your needs with musings just right here. How easy is that?

For those who want to keep in touch with "me" i.e the David part of my brain, please now turn your eyes to "SIGN OF THE COW" @ It's me, damnit. And I Like Me.

That is all. You may carry on.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:46 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Clobber Young Liberals Day

[language warning alert ahead for those with kiddies who are easily influenced by blogs]

I would like to put forward a motion I affectionately refer to the Malcom Fraser Directive 2006. Namely, any Young Liberal that spurts forth some bit of froth and bubble that could be classified as a) racist, b) sexist or c) homophobic be clobbered with a well placed mit to the jaw or other suitable targeted blow.

Such blows should be dished out on the opening day of the National Union of Students Conference, wherever it is being held.

Not convinced this is an appropriate course of action just on the face of it? Why not sample a bit of last nights Lateline Program.

Click here for the broadband video or here for the dialup version. (Videos are Windows Media).

I pride myself on being a tolerant person. I don't care who has sex with who. I don't think its an issue that there are other cultures accessible for people in Australia. I think everyone is pretty much equal regardless of their race, gender or creed. I think there are plenty of people in this country from non-European backgrounds that have provided more - and will continue to do much much more - for the Australian society than what the bogans in the video will ever do. I say non-European because guess what - all the idiots in that video were as white as a surrender flag. Anyway, it's all arbitary! Why do YOU have the right to judge on people of other cultures. You've never experienced it first hand, so anything you bring up is just redundant and hot air. Yet...for some reason...your bluster angers me.

And for some reason, I find I am not tolerant of Young Liberals, or more specifically, the Right Wing Hacks. I respect they are allowed to have their own views, and can express those more or less the way they seem fit. So allow me to express mine.

Fuck You.

Fuck you for making all young uni students with Anglo Saxon heritage look like a bunch of immature, pig headed, backwards thinking brats.

Fuck you for making student unions look like they are radical players in the modern political scene that are seeking to upset the natural balance in life. (for the record, the union is a SERVICE PROVIDER. Can you tell me what service YOU were providing for the rest of us at the conference? Even your own 'leader' disowned you in his piss weak excuse for a cover up press release...)

Fuck you for making me cringe in my chair.

Fuck you for not thinking before you speak.

Fuck you for not recognising your intolerance is the reason why most people hate you.

Fuck you for thinking this behaviour is what makes good politics.

Please. You quite clearly suck at life. Please go away.

And now for something completely different. A hilarious dick joke (click to enlarge...hahahahaha):
Free Image Hosting at
Sure, that probably wasn't very tolerant of me. But the Young Liberals Made Me Do It. Seriously.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 2:42 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, July 14, 2006

The Friday Rant: New Media Laws

Its come to my attention that our Federal Communications Minister Helen Coonan looks something akin to an escaped, animated figure from Madam Tausauds. This is not comforting.

Our new media ownership and broadcasting laws were unveiled by said-puppet yesterday. Interesting lot of things it was too. In a nutshell, this is what media junkies can expect from as early as next year (you can read the full plan on her website here):

- Digital TV take up deadline now extended to 2010-12 instead of 2008
- Two reserved digital channels for new digital services such as mobile television or new in-home services;
- Permit commercial free-to-air television stations to broadcast one standard definition multichannel from 2009, and to allow full multichannelling no later than the time of digital switchover;
-Remove the “genre” restrictions on the types of programming which can be shown on ABC and SBS multichannels;
- Reform the anti-siphoning scheme by introducing a “use it or lose it” system for sporting events on the list to commence on 1 January 2007;
- Relax the current restrictions on cross-media ownership subject to safeguards that will ensure no fewer than five independent “voices” remain in metropolitan markets and four in regional markets, upon Proclamation on a date to be determined in 2007

Our minister quite proudly proclaimed that these key changes could give us, the teevee loving public of Australia, up to 30 new channels to choose from.

Lets think about that. 30 Channels.

I don't think there is good enough programming on the five free to air channels we have now. And you want to bombard us with this shit across 30 of the fuckers? Hell no! More does not necessarily mean less in this case, though a convincing argument could be heard that it does if you are talking about quality. There is one faint glimmer of hope - that Big Brother will get its OWN dedicated channel and stop snorting up every other free second of programming across all networks like Kate Moss and Pete Dougherty on a coke binge. And come on - I know you idolise the UK/US way of managing teevee but we just DONT HAVE THE POPULATION.

The extension of the digital tv deadline isn't really a surprise. We're a sceptical lot down here in Oz, and I wouldn't be surprised if even by that deadline we only have about 50% uptake or something silly.

Lifting the current genre restrictions on ABC2 etc is probably a good move. As much as the cool music docos and live performances have been, it'll be good to get our grubby mits on even more diverse presentation.

The anti-siphoning bit is something I'm still trying to make sense of. I know, I know, the majority of our bogan population would shrivel and die without adequate access to sport. But taking it OFF free to air just because its not used? On one hand, we have an agreement which could, feasibly, see a steep rise in the number of imported programs slotting straight into our programming. And it will happen - free trade agreement with the US of A or even just the big companies being bought up and then spewing forth whatever they can lay their hands on. On the other hand it might force the channels to screen it - no one wants to lose sport, right? Might not have a choice in the end. If you pitted one of the free-to-air channels against a Foxtel or something in a bidding war...who do you think will win? Yep. Didn't think it would be Sir Eddie or Channel 9. Expect cherry picking of sport to happen.

The removal of the cross media ownership laws are probably the biggest 'aspect' of these reforms. I don't get it - the government wants to open up the country to foreign media investment and reap big bucks, but then it slaps down this "5 in the city, 4 in the country" rule. What the...? Look, I might not like the idea, but if you're going to have an idea at least do it properly and don't be half assed about it. "This will allow strong competition and ensure there is no monopoly". Hang on...couldn't a monopoly provide you with oodles of cash if it comes with the right company?

Watch this space. Or more importantly, that little black box in the corner of your lounge room.

On other topic, let's look at those who are surrounded by sand. I don't intend to dwell too much on events in the Middle East, suffice to say it's pretty much gone balls up - again - for the 'nth' time in a couple of years. But doesn't it just remind you a little of that famous skit from South Park with Stan's Uncle Jimbo doing the whole hunting thing?!




Just a little bit similar. Sick inspiration.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 3:18 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, July 10, 2006

Musings For A Post World Cup Final

So the country of my grandparents birth won the World Cup of "futbol" - as Les Murray would put it - earlier this morning, Melbourne time.

(The grandparents on my mothers side. On my fathers side, they ame from England, and there as no way I was going to support THEM now was there.)

Yet it didn't ring true. For years I've followed Italy in the world game not just because of the cultural link, but also because Australia just wasn't good enough. And then this morning, a morning that made many second generation Italian-Australians go "Hoorah! But that could have been us..."

Of course it WOULDN'T of been. We weren't going to beat Germany (probably) even if we did make it past Ukraine (possibly). Still, it's a teeny, weeny, little bit frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I reverted immediately (almost) to Italy's side after Australia dropped out. But it just wasn't the same.

Australian's are a pretty patriotic bunch. Maybe not as much as the US or Venezuela - both were recently listed as the number one and two "most patriotic" nations in the world - but still, pretty proud of our sun burnt country. Not everyone is though (that is, proud of their country). A group of dedicated young geeks at 'Information Builders' even ranked teams according to how many people didn't sing their national anthem at Germany 2006. At least we finished ahead of the US...

Naturalised Argentine winger Mauro Germain Camoranesi even sparked a minor riot back in Italy when asked why he didn't sing the Italian anthem. "I don't even sing the anthem of my own country" was his reply. Diplomatic.

Talking of singing, the fat lady sings. Finally. Does that mean its all over?

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:19 PM :: 0 Comments:

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