Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Nose




We all do it. There's no escaping it. So think hard now...which body part looker are you? Generally, I'm an eyes kind of guy: there's something about the eyes that do not lie. They convey mystery, truth, energy. It all sounds so cliched but think about that most famous of utterances "Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes".

However lately I have found myself infatuated with the nose. First it started with my own. Everything comes into stark contrast when you have a cold; you begin to wonder about the most surreal things and mine just happened to be a runny nose. It sucks, but I moved onto.....CLEOPATRA! Fabled for her pointy nose, this was a point that was only exacerbated by my childhood diet of Asterix comics - sharp to a point. Finally, in our trinity of noses, there is Owen Wilson and dude...does he have - pardon the explicit language here - one fucked up nose. I went and saw him tear it up with Vince Vaughn in The Wedding Crashers and while I laughed at the jokes, wept at the plotline, grimaced at Will Ferell, I had but one overriding concern every time Wilson appeared. "Damn that nose is fucked up." It starts off straight, but like a good F1 race track it has a slight inward curve before taking a massive right hand turn at the tip.

We have the strangest obsessions with our own body parts don't we? Freaks.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:45 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Evil Empire Strike Again



I've tried to avoid the news, thinking it was a hoax. But alas, after more than one source has mentioned it to me, it looks like it is true. The home of litigation, the good ol US of A, is hearing another round of "us versus them" suits, this time involving Microsoft and Apple over...the humble iPod.

Seems that Microsoft are claiming that they came up with the playlisting and music library construction idea (and associated techonogy) that the iPod utilises first, and that Apple now owe them big bikkies (read: a license fee thatthey reckon is about $20 per pod) for incorporating it into their flagship music player. (At roughly 27 million iPods sold, and with a market share of over 75% in the portable MP3 player market, we are not talking about pocket change.) And they've kind won, with the US Patent and Trademark Office awarding the patent to Microsoft, though it is not so cut and dried: if Apple can prove they came up with the idea first (and were just slow in the paperwork for patenting stakes) then the decision could be overturned.

But seriously, for all those Apple haters out there, is it not a little sad that your evil Microsoft corporation has to burn Steve Jobs and his crew for EVERY original idea they come up with? What are you now, the IT Ideas Police? I bet Sun Microsystems would have a few words to say about that! Like the heckler at the back of the room at your local open mic night, I say: "Get Some New Material!"

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:24 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

A Moog Point


In news that will upset alot of 80s keyboard tragics and early 90s hip hop heads alike, Robert Moog, inventor of the Moog (pronounced like "vogue") synthesiser has died at 71. His first voltage controlled synth was created in 1964, and hit mainstream popularity with the release of Switched-On Bach, an album by Walter Carlos, that used only the Moog synthesiser. So today we honour the man that helped bring success to the likes of Wham! and Afrika Bambataa. Hooray for Moog!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:03 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Beer as a Social Lubricant


[right]A beer, yesterday.

Its a surprise that it doesn't happen more really. An Australian mother has given birth to her first child in a pub after stopping for a toilet stop with her husband. Maybe we could now have "beer and berthing gardens" to cater for expectant mothers everywhere, while still providing that friendly, outdoor, beer-swiging action that we know and love. I think this sets an unhealthy precident for expectant fathers everywhere, trying to combine post-birthing drinks with the event itself and given the state of bear nuts, I don't know if I want my new born anywhere near the counter thank you very much...Maybe we could have sponsored birthings?!

"This birthing, Made From Beer, brought to you by Carlton Draught. (Its a big kid. Very big kid...)"


"You can get it panting, you can get it pushing...matter of fact I got it now! Victoria Bitter, helping mums across the country!"


It just goes to prove the old adage - you should go before you leave home!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 8:43 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Monday, August 22, 2005

Another Mindless Profiler...

I'm Liberal? Well, I guess in terms of the US system, but I shudder about the connotations that has here in Australia...








Your Political Profile



Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal



Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:18 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Vacumming Completely Nude In Paradise

{left} The Airrider. A supreme combination of air and vacuum....

As most will know, I am in the final throws (read: last 2 months) of my honours thesis at the lovely Monash Gippy. Honours is nice, shiny, blingin' and fun. Honours is also a pain in the arse, tiring, intense and makes you miss TV.

I have always prided myself at not being continually suckered into television on a nightly basis, picking and choosing the really good shows (Spooks, House, West Wing, Spicks and Specks, Glass House, The O.C etc) as opposed to saturating myself with the overly crap ones. Alas now, at this stage, I cannot even do that. And this point was hammered home to me hard this morning, after a very early morning of redrafting, when I spotted tonight's classic movie on the lovable SBS.

MOVIE - DRAMA - VACUUMING COMPLETELY NUDE IN PARADISE
A would-be DJ takes a job hawking vacuum cleaners to make ends meet and finds himself working with maniac salesman Tommy Ragg, who will stoop to any level to make a sale. Directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting) and stars Michael Begley, Kate Cavanagh and Timothy Spall. (From the UK, in English) (2001) M


How good does that sound? So from now on, I will be keeping a weekly list of the amount of hours of TV I will miss because of this honours thesis. I will not go overboard, but instead choose the shows I would like to watch, plus one random one for fun.

Stay tuned...

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:43 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Friday, August 19, 2005

He's Doing Well...


I mean, I didn't even know that the former Palestenian leader liked cricket. I hope someone's pulling our leg, because that could be awkward and offensive otherwise...
(click for a bigger pic)

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 12:51 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

Happy Happy Joy Joy


A feeling of calm and serenity fell across the brow of the SS MUGSU, sailing as it was through the stormy waters of the VSU OCEAN. Weather reports faxed through to Captain McLoughlin and his rag tag bunch of ninjas, pirates and assorted neer'do'well'ers showed a receeding pattern of weather across both houses of parliament, leading to calmer weather heading into the next few weeks.

"Arrrgh! We be in for good fishing over the next weeks lads!" remarked the Captain, doubly jolly to have discovered that the shack he craved back home had been won on an ebay auction for him and his crewmates. "Full steam ahead!"

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 4:32 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Weasel Words

I think the bemused attitude I hold toward the English language is not stranger to this blog. Despite coming from a family of teachers and an education with a high priority on words, the basics still elude me and I am quite content to just let it all slide past into obilivion...

However, Don Watson is no such person. He has compiled a hilarious group of modern words, terms and phrases that have passed into popular usage and not always with the results one would expect. The book "Watson's Dictionary of Weasel Words, contemporary cliches, cant and management jargon" is quite utterly brilliant. You will never look at ye olde press release the same way again.

Take for instance the "energised fence." An electric fence? Somehow not, we are told, as it is labelled such against the 9000 volt fence surrounding the Baxter Detention Centre in SA. A Deputy Secretary in the Department of Immigration is quoted as saying...

"No, it is not an electric fence...It is an energised fence."


I could go on...and I will...but only for one more example. Take the word excellence, something we are all supposed to be striving toward. Even the Titan Corporation...the contractors in charge of interrogation at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, and Cuba's Guantanamo Bay prison:

"The energy and enthusiasm that our employees bring to the workplace creates an exciting place to work with a constant strive for excellence".


Things that make you go "Hmmmmmm...."

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:42 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Live Music for a Wet Dream

Thought that would get your attention.
If you could pick the ULTIMATE live festival line up, featuring any act from the last 30 odd years, who would make the cut? It's one of those hypotheticals that make music nerds (i.e. me) start to drool with ideas, our minds brimming with creative possibilites. National youth broadcaster in Australia, the ever cool Triple J are asking their listeners to compile such a list, with the top 10 'gigs' they have recorded from the last 30 odd years, played "festival" style over the last weekend in August.

So this is what I came up with:
BEASTIE BOYS (1995)
FOO FIGHTERS (1998)
JEFF BUCKLEY (1995)
MICHAEL FRANTI & SPEARHEAD (2001)
NINE INCH NAILS (2000)
PLACEBO (2004)
QUEENS OF STONE AGE (2003)
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE (1999)
RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS (1999)
UNDERWORLD (1999)

...with humble apologies to Elvis Costello, The Whitlams, Jurassic 5 and The Roots. Still, you can't lose! Obviously this list has a very rock orientated feel, but they all deserve to be there me thinks.(Hate mail can be left in the usual comments place below.)

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 8:28 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Ice Ice Baby!


July is a special time of year. The financial year closes, bring around the much hyped tax returns...and for those of us who are truly loaded (see the sidebar button for more info)we can look forward to the bounty of knowing that we will be able to eat this week. However, July is also winter here in the land known as Oz. And winter, despite being quite moderate for the most part, can lead to snow. And snow = skiing. Skiing = good.

So myself, the Hat and The Dad piled ourselves into the car for some good ol' fashioned fun with some frozen water and a couple of wooden planks strapped to our legs. The results were...conclusive. Despite being snowed in for one of our four days (who would have thought? Snow so bad you COULDNT ski!)and a couple of well lost games of scrabble later, our ski legs began to come back to us after about the 50th run on the easy slope! Some bruising and a few groomed runs even later, and we could almost lay claim to being certified snow bunnies! I did come away with a few noteworthy thoughts.

1)Runs that look easy are more than likely not. That's why there is a colour coded system. Don't trust that nice looking man with the dodgy skis!

2)Don't attempt to emulate snow boarding aerodynamics on skis. Yes they both have edges, but you have to control TWO, indedpendent, un-trustworthy implements who are hell bent on your own destruction. Jumps = bad.

3)There is such a thing as ski lift etiquette. Do not be surprised if some knob jockey takes an aversion to your skis being within a metre of their equipment. It isnt personal, they just havent had their hormone tablets. A simple rendition of the old "Go and get photographed" statement, should be enough to persuade them. Plus, if it comes to fisty-cuffs, I have two words(see:equipment/weapon/implement of doom) for you: ski stocks.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 7:27 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, August 01, 2005

Racial Profiling: Alive and Well


Well. Wouldnt have picked that. Me and Prince William. Close as a rugby scrum. Hoo-rah! Meh. Its not perfect. Low politeness? Hmmm. Ill have to work on that...

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 11:04 AM :: 1 Comments:

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