Friday, June 30, 2006

Another WC Themed Post

We all know the pages and pages of stats that come out of every major sporting tournament. But here's one that really matters for the World Cup. Fake Injuries? Not Singing The National Anthem? Bullying The Referee? Dives? Yep, they're all here.

On something a little more serious, Ronaldo now has the record for most goals scored in World Cup history. You can watch the video of all 15 of his goals here.

This weekend it's Coldplay, Picasso and World Cup Quarter Finals. By right I should be sleeping...

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 7:49 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Darker Side Of Media

Are YOU obsessed with amputation? Then Doctor Phil wants to hear from you! Don't hesitate - share your story today!

Do you or someone you know suffer from a constant desire to have a limb amputated? Have you always dreamed of having your legs, arms, or hands amputated?

Don't think Dr. Phil is discriminating against those wanna-be cripples. There are plenty of topics where you could be suited!

Does Your Husband Want a 1950's Wife?
Are you a Cougar?
Repulsed By Ugly or Fat People?
Show Dr. Phil Your Home Cam Tapes!

Show him your tapes? WHAT THE?!?! Dude! There's porn on the internet everywhere, don't inflict crappy, One Night In Paris-esque footage onto us because there's nothing else to watch on TeeVee. For the love of...

In other news, tell me you if you can read this story without thinking of interesting, sexy-anime related thoughts.

The group of girls from the netball association decided to visit Jade and marvelled at his high self-esteem and morale as Jade laughed and joked with the nine girls who helped him eat and drink

No, didn't think so. Mmmm. Netballers.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:39 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The World Cup Goes On...

...and no, I haven't lost any enthusiasm for the competition. If anything, I am even more keen. However, my updates have lagged behind due to lack of sleep and the discovery of someone who blogs about it much better than I do. Go there. It's fun, informative and even has err.

In other exciting news, I just had the utmost pleasure of seeing Kerrie-Anne getting pelted with soccer balls as she stood as a goal keeper against our junior World Cup team. She even did it in high heels. Fair to say, Kalac and Schwarzer et al need not feel worried.

Oh wait. Its back on again. Yep, the show is still shit.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 9:31 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, June 16, 2006

The Hat's World Cup Diary: Day 7 (and weekend preview!)

As you may or may not know, I have no internet at home in Bendi-go-go, so I have done my best, dear reader, to provide the ULTIMATE weekend preview.

Current number of games seen: 9
Current number of minutes Wayne Rooney's foot has survived: 32
Terrorist supporter of the day: Abu Bakar Bashir. It could just be a coincidence BUT...the man WAS wearing a red and white checked scarf when he was released from prison, though I don't know whether Croatia really want to be associated with him...
Uber-cool footballing name of the day: Another in the long list of commentator's nightmares, we have Ahn Jung-hwan of South Korea. Say that three times fast as one of the Asian team's better players is baring down on goal. And he will you know - the boy can play a bit. (After repeated practising, I have learnt you have to open your mouth wide and talk like you have a plum in your mouth. It's ARN-JUNG-WARN for the record.
Latest games seen:


"It's incredibly Hat-tacular!":
- Ecuador all set for the last 16...who said they only got to Germany because their home ground is like a million miles above sea level?!
- England made the second round too...wait, was that a jaw breaking yawn I just heard?
- Wow. How impotent were Sweden today?! So long as they keep bringing in fans like this we don't care!
- The armchair coaches are out in force! How many people came out after the Australia v Japan game and said "I agree with Hiddink's subs. The man's a genius." I'm AGREE? What the?!
- Sad news if you wind up being one of Saudi Arabia's better players this week, as the team is boycotting the man of the match awards. Why? It's all about beer of course!

"What to talk through your Hat about this weekend...":
- Worst keeper in the World Cup = Ukraine?
- Australia = a chance of a point against Brazil?
- Australia = destined for many a sick day Monday morning
- USA = guaranteed flop v Italy?
- Mmm. More Group C goodness. Not just a group of death, but a group of DOOM!
- Expect an unheard of nation to play with more cohesiveness and flair (Ghana/Iran/Angola) than one of the established teams (oh, say, England?!)
- France proving that nothing is as good as a bit of team tension and anger.

Weekend Matches:

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 7:42 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Hat's World Cup Diary: Day 6

Editors note: Today I have added links! Hoo-rah!

Current number of games seen: 8
Current number of teams less boring than England: 11 and counting
Number of teams with yellow tops: 6
(Most striking yellow top = Ukraine. It looks like a blue-clawed monster has latched onto the back of the players and is trying to rip their front chest open. Totally awesome.)
Uber-cool footballing name of the day: We're going German today to celebrate the host nation's less than convincing game against Poland. And the spotlight shines on...Bastian Schweinsteiger! No, we don't know how to pronounce it either.
Latest games seen:


"Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah HATMAN!":
- Guess what kids...Spain might not suck this year!
- Tunisia and Saudi Arabia = more entertaining than France!
- Germany the first to qualify for the final 16?!
- Naturalised Brazilians (and other South American players)continue to rock the World Cup for teams OTHER than Brazil. Good on you for realising you will never play for the Selaco!
-Wayne Rooney may play against powerhouse team Trinidad and Tobago!

"Time for tea and scrumpHATS if...":
- England decide against all medical advice that Rooney can and should play against some tiny Central American island nation.
- Sweden take their back room brawls out onto the park.
- Italy can go a week without using hair products
- Germany and Poland kiss and make up (yeah, like that will ever happen...)

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 7:47 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Hat's World Cup Diary: Day 5

Current number of games seen: 6
Current number of teams less boring than England: at least 9
Number of goals scored: 31
Uber-cool footballing name of the day: Brazil's ninja in the midfield, Kaka. Did you know that caca is a colloquial term in Italy for poo? For so long as a kid, that's what I was taught to call it...
Latest games seen:


"Holy Hat stands, Batman!":
- Brazil are super slugish!
- Ronaldo IS a fatty fatty boom ba!
- Croatia have a shirt that reminds people of a picnic blanket!
- Togo have the coolest goal celebration dance this tournament!
- South Korea won in Europe for once!
- Switzerland played better than arrogant France!
- Australia now holds the record for second most number of goals by substitutes!

"I'll douse my Hat in sauce and eat it if...":
- The French fail to score a goal...surely it won't happen two World Cups running...
- Brazil keep telling Australia that they play like New Zealand
- Australia gets a national holiday after holding Brazil to a draw
- Togo's coach quits again before their next game, only to re-sign hours before kick off
- The American's stop crying
- I don't get to go to Fed Square and watch at least one game (join me Bjornar?!)

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 8:35 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Hat's World Cup Diary: Day 4

Current number of games seen: 5
Current number of teams less boring than England: 6
Hours of sleep (potentially) lost: 6
Uber-cool footballing name of the day: Ghana's very on Danish based Razak Pimpong! Terrible player, great name.
Latest games seen:


"Glory, glory golden Hat stands":
- Italy didn't start diving until the 75th minute!
- Italy actually played attacking football!
- The Egyptian referee admitted he made a mistake!
- Ghana and Ivory Coast live up to the hype (kinda)!
- Socceroos win!
- Guus Hiddink rugby scrums the officials!
- Timmy Cahill carves up!
- Arsene knows: new Gunners midfielder Rosicky scores 2!
- The Stars and Stripes were put in their place!
- Togo may, or may not, have a coach after all!
- Ned Zelic serves up more off the cuff, relaxed special comments!

"I'll eat My Hat if..."
- Luke Wilkshire starts against Brazil
- THAT Egyptian referee ever gets a stadium named after him
- Ghana don't get a point off the Czech's or Yanks
- Once, just once, the referees aren't told by FIFA to book everything that moves
- Owen Hargraves doesn't get booed. Poor fella, just 'cos he plays in Germany...
- Mellberg and Ljunberg kiss and make up.
- Roy Keane does a dramatic turn around and calls off retirement to play for Latvia.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 7:29 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Friday, June 09, 2006

The Hat's World Cup View: Prelude

Arguably the greatest Central American sportsname ever now has his chance to shine.

First choice Mexico keeper Oswaldo Sanchez is set to go home for at least the first game after his father died of a heart attack. That leaves two back up keepers vying for the fist choice squad, one of them named....JESUS CORONA!

Fantastic! Religion, a national alcochol and football...all rolled into one! Go you good thing go! In other news injury is dominating talk ahead of kick off: Cisse broke his leg (boo hoo France), Ballack will miss Germany's first game, cauliflower-ears Rooney may or may not play in the group stage (depending on who wins the verbal joust - Sven or Sir Fergie), Italy has an injury list as long as Totti's strands of hair, and even Mark Viduka is feeling the pinch.

Oh yes, it's that time of year again.

I actually bought myself the OFFICIAL world cup cereal the other day. I was promised exciting balls of vanilla and wheat, that magically turned into balls with grooves when I added milk. (Also, according to the serving suggestion, I should have been eating it with goal keepers gloves on). What I got were bullets of tasteless paff that left an interesting metallic like residue on the bottom of the bowl. I wonder if that's a bad thing...

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 11:39 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, June 08, 2006

Worship The Pan

Maybe I'm in the mood for some holy steak...

In other news, my new phone of only three weeks or so had a nasty encounter today and I think it is fucked. Caps off a top week and just what I needed.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 11:55 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

One to watch out for...

Jack Black is...NACHO LIBRE!
Now THIS I gotta see. Forget Spiderman 17, Shrek 24 (where Mike Myers has to find a humerous joke in under 24 hours or face the grisly death of Donkey) or X Men 6. THIS looks like a real movie.

Nacho (Jack Black) is a man without skills. After growing up in a Mexican monastery, he is now a grown man and the monastery’s cook, but doesn’t seem to fit in. Nacho cares deeply for the orphans he feeds, but his food is terrible – mostly, if you ask him, a result of his terrible ingredients. He realizes he must hatch a plan to make money to buy better food for “the young orphans, who have nothing” (…and if in doing so Nacho can impress the lovely Sister Encarnación, that would be a big plus).

When Nacho is struck by the idea to earn money as a Lucha Libre wrestler, he finds that he has a natural, raw talent for wrestling. As he teams with his rail-thin, unconventional partner, Esqueleto (the Skeleton), Nacho feels for the first time in his life that he has something to fight for and a place where he belongs.

As Lucha is strictly forbidden by the church elders at the monastery, Nacho is forced to lead a double life. Disguised by a sky blue mask, Nacho conceals his true identity as he takes on Mexico’s most famous wrestlers and takes on a hilarious quest to make life a little sweeter at the orphanage.

In other news, for those of you wanting to read a lovely example of British tabloid journalism, I can recommend today's front page of the The Sun.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:13 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, June 05, 2006

I Usually Don't Discriminate, But... there a group that polarises people as much as emo's? I think not. Hilarious, no?!

In other news, Australia did well to draw with the Orange Men (aka Holland) in a pre-World Cup 'friendly'. From Friday night (Melbourne time), the beautiful game will kick off a month long orgy of colour, style, goals and quality. Expect me not to post too much - I'll be having a serious relationship with my television, doubly so given my Auntie doesn't have a VCR...

BUT! Just one little rant. It's about those overrated Samba kings, Brazil. It would appear Brazil have very little idea about WHO exactly we are. First it was Ronaldo a month or so ago...

"...I don't know anyone who plays for Australia, so they can't be that good"

And then last night, Brazil play New Zealand. Yes, land of snow, sheep and Peter Jackson. A powerhouse in world soccer? Hell no. I mean, they're not even the best team in Oceania now Australia has left - that honour falls to the Solomon Islands. But SOME-FRIGGIN'-HOW, Brazil seem to think we ARE THE SAME TEAM AS THEM!!! First the coach...

"...This team is very similar to Australia, even though they don't have the same quality of players. They mark very hard, so I think it was worth it."

...then the left back...

"...I think it was a good victory. It was a good test. Australia [Brazil's second opponents in Group F] play like this - defensively - and if we keep our concentration we shouldn't have any problems."

Oh ok. I get it. We're similar because WE'RE NEXT TO EACH OTHER GEOGRAPHICALLY! Right. Makes perfect sense from a soccer veiw point don't it?! Brazil are next to French Guinea, so obviously THEY ARE THE SAME TOO! Grrrr!

And to address point number two: that we're defensive. We used to be VERY defensive, and look where that got us - an absolute hammering at the Confederations Cup last year. Since then we've got a new coach (one of the best in the world mind you), new tactics, a re-invigorated playing group...the list goes on. So defensive? Erm, not really. Thanks for playing. And now, a few more things to ponder:

- Adriano scored three goals for the entire SEASON last year in Italy playing for Inter. In form? I think not.
- Ronaldo; on track to win the Whinging Pom/Biggest Set Of Fat Rolls Award?!
- Ronaldinho; tired and lacking in inspiration.
- And they have who on the bench exactly?
- Yes, I believe they will make the final again.

Apologies for the rant. Got pretty worked up about this match report.


Posted by Dave The Hat :: 1:27 PM :: 1 Comments:

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