Monday, May 22, 2006

The Great Hat Eurovision Review!

And the winner is...FINLAND!

Yes, Finnish hard rock band Lordi, in the true tradition of KISS, have surprised everyone (including themselves) and won the premier world event for the celebration of all things Euro-Trash: EUROVISION 2006.

Mr Lordi, lead singer and man-with-an-axe, said:

"We won the contest, looking like this...It just goes to show that Europe is not such a bad place."

Mr Lordi also touched on a subject dear to Freud's heart: Fathers.

"...We’re not Satanists or devil worshippers...This is entertainment. The masks are like our calling card and we’ll never perform without them. It would be like Santa Claus handing a child his gifts and Christmas time and then pulling off his beard and saying, ‘By the way, I’m your father…’"

I for one am pleased that theatrics, costumes, make up and atrocious singing were duly celebrated this happens every year.

So setting aside Terry Wogan's hilarious commentary, the lame hosts and the fact that voting is a massive conspiracy, here is my executive review of all things Eurovision Greece 2006.

The So-Bad-It-Was-Good...
- Finland (hoorah for stage-rock theatrics)
- Spain (not in tune, but nice staging)
- Romania
- Bosnia Herzogovina
- Lithuania (how can you NOT like a song which is "we are the winners..."?!)
- Andre the Armenian (ooo...I like what you did with that ribbon...)

The In-Offensive...
- Israel (white is the new black)
- Switzerland (with token Justin Timberlake look-a-like...who did nothing...)
- Norway (nice try with the fiddles, and hot blondes always go down well)
- Ukraine (possibly twice as hot as Norway...sorry Bjornar)
- Ireland (another boring Irish ballad)
- Sweden (nice dres....)
- Turkey (nice tatts....)
- Latvia (a good try on the acapella)

The Downright Awful...
- Moldova (Just awful...What's the go with the Wyclef wannabe?)
- UK (School girls are fantastic..but the rapper is seriously wack)
- Malta (tacky and oh so bad)
- FYR Macedonia
- Greece (the faux-gothic outfit didnt help)
- Croatia (hmmmm....)

And now, for the glitz and glam!
Top: The abysmally bad British entry, though +1 for hot school girls.
Bottom Left: Moldova...if possible, even worse than England.
Bottom Right: Ukraine is known for hot women and bad boots.

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:27 AM :: 0 Comments:

Post / Read Comments