Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Not Fat, Not Fun

Oh McDonalds, why did you go and ruin a perfectly good formula? People LIKED coming in and gorging themselves on your fried leftovers. People LIKED knowing they could walk into any one of your carbon-copy franchises world wide and be served roughly the same tripe over and over. People LIKED the fact that you didn't seem to care about what others thought...sure there were a few dissenters, but you sure showed them with those defamation lawsuits hey?!!!

I was talking with my brother tonight, and while both of us duly recognise that our gym-to-TV&food intake ratio is not as balanced as it should be, both of us think that McDonalds have completely lost the plot in trying to make their new, healthy choice menu sexy. Before Supersize Me, we all knew that McDonalds wasn't healthy. That's why we enjoyed it! I mean, lets take the new round of advertising on Australian TV: kids CLIMBING out of the BODIES of adults? Is HR Geiger the artistic consul on their ad campaigns these days? Did Ridley Scott provide some sort of input? Maybe the meeting went like this like:

You know guys, I like the too-perfect-to-be-true adult stereotypes finding meaning in their life through your new menu. But it won't get the cool factor happening like A TINY SPAWN RIPPING ITSELF OUT OF THEIR ABDOMEN! You remember my first Alien movie? That little shrimp look a like bursting out of the chest of that guy gave thousands of teenage kids a wet bed for a week...Yeah. That'll shock 'em into buying your product for sure!

NB: Obviously prime time is quite strict on its censorship, so the blood and guts were edited out in the final version. The clean one sucks. Lets see the director's cut at midnight shall we.... I put this to you as an afterthought: when you were a kid, I bet your thoughts about fast food didn't centre on a salad roll with grated carrot! Hell no, you were thinking lollies, cakes, cookies, chips and more of it mum if you don't mind, just bring the shovel and follow me! So the fact that McDonalds is saying that we all need to embrace our inner child is patently wrong...because our inner child knows where the taste is, and its certainly not with the limp, weak excuse for a salad that McDonalds offers. (Please, I could get more nutrients if I inhaled snow through my socks.)

Fat just does not equal fun anymore. Consider the following list - if fat wasn't involved with ANY of these choices, our world would be less fun because of it:

- sumo wrestling
- Drew Carery
- 'Yo Mamma' jokes
- weight-loss ads on the telly
- pennyfarthing bicycles
- Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" song

I say, lets embrace the fat!

Posted by Dave The Hat :: 10:30 PM :: 6 Comments:

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